Sofia Somer has a thing for Santa Claus. Ever since she first discovered her sexuality, Sofia has been attracted to Santa (Santaphilia). We talk Santa fantasies, what makes Santa attractive and the sexiest depiction of Santa.
Then, it’s lollygagging and skedaddle vs. bamboozled and fartlek as we countdown the Top 5 Funniest Words.
Sofia Somer: 01:13
Pointless: 17:28
Top 5 Funniest Words: 39:13
Interview with Sofia Somer
Nick VinZant 0:00
Nick, welcome to profoundly pointless. My name is Nick VinZant, coming up in this episode, santophilia and funny
Sofia Somer 0:21
words, Santa Claus. He's like a safe older man, but there was this kind of creeping idea that I could corrupt him. You are going into some very explicit territory here. Life is really funny, and I think that's why people, they come to me with what they think is a huge secret, right? And I see so many secrets, and they're all okay.
Nick VinZant 0:51
I want to thank you so much for joining us. If you get a chance subscribe, leave us a rating or review. We really appreciate it. It really helps us out. So I want to get right to our first guest, because she is a Santa feliak, someone who is attracted to Santa Claus. This is Sophia Somare. What is it about Santa Claus?
Sofia Somer 1:15
Santa Claus, he's like a safe older man, but there was this kind of creeping idea that I could corrupt him. So it's really the first memory I have of being powerful. And so for me, the association was with Santa, because I saw him in the in the mall in Montreal, where he always was every year. But I was denied going to sit on his knee. My younger brother did. And I thought, okay, you know, I wait and I watch, and I started to fantasize.
Nick VinZant 1:56
Is it specifically Santa, or is it more the Santa type, like, are you attracted to Santa, or is it more a friendly, seeming older man with a beard?
Sofia Somer 2:08
It was Santa like it was 100% Santa with the beard and, you know, the Billy and the whole thing. And then as I got older, I realized, no, I am also attracted to bigger men.
Nick VinZant 2:23
Was it immediately a sexual attraction?
Sofia Somer 2:27
Oh, yes, yeah, it was totally sexual, totally it was
Sofia Somer 2:36
like, I didn't have the best childhood, and I had many challenges and a lot of issues in the beginning of my life with men not to get heavy, but it was part of my history, and I I wanted to be in control in that way. So choosing someone safe like that, he was the first person in my head that I remember feeling relaxed enough to be turned on by that guy, because he would not hurt me right
Nick VinZant 3:10
when you when you first felt that way. Did you feel conflicted in any way that it was Santa? Did you feel that this was odd at all?
Sofia Somer 3:21
Well, yes, of course. I mean, the fashion is not exactly sexy.
Nick VinZant 3:28
You know, it doesn't scream sex appeal to me, right?
Sofia Somer 3:31
But I like a kind face on a man, and I like a comfortable body.
Nick VinZant 3:38
When would you say that you first kind of acted on it early,
Sofia Somer 3:42
really early. When I was 1617, I had affairs with some teachers in my school, and it was a big scandal at the time. And I think if it would be my daughter doing this. I would kill those men, but I had great experiences with them. I was in control. I seduced them. I was probably groom a little bit, but I did have a good experience with them, and I don't regret that.
Nick VinZant 4:22
Do you imagine fantasies of specifically kind of Christmas related things like, oh, Santa comes down the chimney and there I am. Here we are under the Christmas tree. I take that as a yes,
Sofia Somer 4:37
I think the excitement for me is to make Santa not to be so nice, I know, to get him to be a bit more. I don't know. I like to I like to shock. I like to shock and and simulate a man through shock. So I think I would love to shock him,
Nick VinZant 4:59
like, what do you. Kind of fantasize or imagine yourself doing to him,
Sofia Somer 5:03
you are going into some very explicit territory here.
Nick VinZant 5:08
This you can be explicit on this show, whatever you want to share, etc. If you're not comfortable, then that's fine too.
Sofia Somer 5:16
There is a point where every man has there's no going back. You know, they are aroused and they are excited and they want you in that way. And there is no turning back once they are there and when they are there, I think a lot of their real character is revealed. And for me to see another side to this character of sensea being aroused and being lustful and being wanting of me would be really a turn on, because you don't ever see him like that. When you seduce someone, you can see the change in their face, their breathing, their color, they change, and they become maybe more when they are meant to be as a man, we have erased the sexuality of many men in the past, like Santa Claus and the you know, we imagine these people in charge, never to have a sex life or never to have desire. And for me to imagine Santa having desire and watching it on his face and him getting excited, and that's arousing to me. I like to see it in anyone, really, in my client, too. I like that moment where there's no green bath
Nick VinZant 6:49
for you personally. Like, is it sexually exciting in the sense that, oh, every kind of sexual encounter that I am in I am ultimately thinking about Santa, or is this more just a side thing, where occasionally it pops up?
Sofia Somer 7:05
Obviously, it has a season, but there are themes to that throughout the year. You know, when I do see a bigger guy, you know, more like a burly guy, he's more like a father and he's, you know, he's comfortable with himself. He's confident. It's like an old fashioned man. You know, we don't see that in the younger men today. I don't really see that. I see a lot of problem with younger men today. They're very lonely, they don't have a lot of confidence. And because, and while it's a great thing, I don't want to upset anyone for saying this and having them take it the wrong way. It's a great thing that women are starting to ask for their equal rights and call people on bad behavior, and I am super supportive of that. But what happened, at least for this last generation, was you have to ask consent for everything, and it takes away the moment. So men are very hesitant, and they are very afraid of being aroused around a woman, and they feel shame for that, and I think that's really a terrible thing. So for me, I am just over 50. I remember men you know, really coming on to you, and you say now, and they back away. And you You know most of the time, but I miss that, that confident man that comes up to you and really, you know, holds you like he named it. Hold your hand like he is familiar with you. He will keep you safe. You know, all of those things, and that's part of it for me, that's the fantasy for me, is that that's the guy doing that.
Nick VinZant 9:01
So then, do you ultimately want to kind of be controlling Santa, or do you want to bring out the controlling aspect of Santa
Sofia Somer 9:09
when there's that moment where everyone turns, then he has the power you should do? Let me back up and say this, I know of this in psychology that a woman's arousal is actually quite narcissistic. We want to be desired. We want our body to be desired, our person to be desired. We want a man to be attracted to who we are and to somehow. Lose a bit of control around us, because that is you desire me, and so you are, you know you are. You are showing me that, and that is what is a turn on in most women when it comes to. So real life, there's a moment, if you are with a lover, where you turn the guy on, you are teasing him, you are and then he turns and he goes for it. That's the moment where it turns, and he is now in charge. In my job, it doesn't turn. It never turned, and it will never turn. In my private life, it's very different.
Nick VinZant 10:28
Have you ever met somebody else who had this
Sofia Somer 10:31
No, and I used to tell my lovers before, sometimes because they would think I'm crazy, and they would laugh at me. They were thinking I was joking. I'm totally serious. I have this finish for Santa. I have some fantasies around sensor.
Nick VinZant 10:52
Are you surprised that more people wouldn't be? Because to me, it seems like I mean people like secretaries, teachers, all kinds of dress up related things, right? Santa really doesn't is Santa really that different?
Sofia Somer 11:08
I think so, because I think it has to do with the personality that he presents. I think at first you don't really know that the man like that has a sexual side. So if it's not obvious for most women, I think they would just bypass him as an option for sexual fantasy. For me, the discovery of that man's erotic energy, of that of sometimes erotic energy, is what's a turn on to bring that out of someone like that? Do you only have
Nick VinZant 11:48
a couple of listeners submitted questions? Are you ready for some harder slash listener submitted questions? Sure, absolutely. Do you think any Santas, and I'm thinking of like a mall Santa or someone who dresses up as a Santa? Do you think they know about this?
Sofia Somer 12:02
Oh, that's a really good question. That's a super good question. I don't know i i think there must be some kind of ego involved when you have a job like that, but I think they must bring it down, because they're around children, and I believe that these men are inherently good. They are not thinking about those kind of things when there's children around. But I wonder if they don't role play with their partners at home.
Nick VinZant 12:42
What is your favorite depiction of Santa in movies or TV? Is there like, one certain depiction? Like, ooh, that is, that is my jam.
Sofia Somer 12:51
I wish I knew his name. I You have to look this up for me because, yeah, yeah, we'll fill in the gaps. What's that movie with Chevy Chase,
Nick VinZant 13:01
National Land foods, Christmas vacation.
Sofia Somer 13:03
No, I'm sorry, it's a Christmas story. Oh, yeah, I know exactly who you're talking about. Yeah, another guy, yeah
Nick VinZant 13:12
at the top of the slide. So that's like the ideal depiction of Santa in your mind.
Sofia Somer 13:16
I think so. I think so. There's also an in the Netherlands, and he's a bit smaller and taller, and he's gone further Christmas.
Nick VinZant 13:26
Is there anything that you think that we missed, or anything like that? I don't know.
Sofia Somer 13:30
I think it's a very funny thing to focus on, because nobody really talks about it, right? And also, no one really asks a dominatrix what her fantasies are. Often, I mean, people ask me, What is my turn on in my job? And I don't really share that, but they don't ask about fetish. And it's interesting, like I said before, when I was talking about with people, they wouldn't believe me. They thought I was joking.
Nick VinZant 14:00
I wouldn't believe somebody. I mean, if I didn't do this show and kind of have experience into the idea that people have all kinds of things, I wouldn't like, I don't know if my wife was, like, I want you to dress up like Santa. I mean, I would do it just because, like, okay, fine, sure, try it out. I would be a little bit like you do,
Sofia Somer 14:21
just make sure that the fake beard hair does not get down there, because, from experience, it doesn't feel good, trust me, just a tip for you,
Nick VinZant 14:36
like, that's what I ultimately love about Like people and sexuality and how people think is, like, at the end of the day, we always kind of laugh about everything, like, it's the unintended consequences of, like, oh yeah, I really have, I have a thing for Santa, but you've got to watch out for his beard, because if it gets down there, it's really going to cause problems. Like, I love the unintended con. Like how life is ultimately just so funny. At the end
Sofia Somer 15:04
of life is really funny. And I think that's why people, they come to me with what they think is a huge secret, right? And I see so many secrets, and they're all outside whatever person they told them to they now feel ashamed or and then they come to a professional to work them out, you know, but I think all fantasy, all play, is actually healthy. When it takes over your life, it's not healthy, but to have an outlet with a partner, with a professional, it's a good thing. It's a good thing, otherwise it's create too much stress in someone's head. Maybe they think they're weird. You know, you have
Nick VinZant 15:47
like with with your line of work. You have experience in this. If somebody has something, whether it's a thing for Santa or for something else, and they just feel deeply ashamed about it, what advice would you give them?
Sofia Somer 15:58
I think people come to me sometimes a shame, and they have not had an outlet to explore that, or they used to explore with their partner, but their partner is no longer interested. That happens a lot. I try to tell them that they're normal, that they're okay. It's amazing. They come to me with the most normal of fantasies, and they're like, Oh, I think maybe I'm the only one. Or I'm like, No, are you kidding? You're not the only one. There are many people out there like that and and they feel relief to hear that. And unless it's something that I find disturbing or something that is not safe. I don't understand why they don't explore with themselves first. Like that's
Nick VinZant 16:49
pretty much all the questions we have. If people want to get a hold of you, if they want to book your services, so to speak or talk about this, what should they do?
Sofia Somer 16:56
Etc, definitely email me. I have a contact page on my website. I'm sure you are putting that on the screen. So my contact page on my website is rather the best way to get to get a hold of me.
Nick VinZant 17:12
I want to thank Sophia so much for joining us. If you want to connect with her, we have linked to her on our social media sites. We're profoundly pointless on Tiktok, Instagram and YouTube, and we've also included her information in the episode description. Okay, now let's bring in John Shaw and get to the pointless part of the show. How often do you get in a confrontation with another person? Every day, every single day you're in a confrontation with another person, one
John Shull 17:43
way or the other. Now, confrontation, to me, doesn't always mean yelling or fighting, but there is always some kind of challenge with another person every single day that I have to deal with.
Nick VinZant 17:56
Wow, do you okay? But how much of that do you feel like is simply part of your job. If you took the job out of it, how often would you be in a confrontation with another person?
John Shull 18:11
Oof, probably two out of probably two days a week. Maybe, like, have that happen two days a week, maybe three days a week.
Nick VinZant 18:17
Oh, I feel like that's way too high. I think mine is probably once a month tops. I would put it mine between four to five times a year, probably is how often it happens to me.
John Shull 18:31
I mean, what? Well, I guess break like, what kind of I mean, what kind of confrontation are you talking about?
Nick VinZant 18:37
Any time that you kind of getting into a tense situation so that can be, like, an actual fight, a verbal argument. And I think that you know the difference between like, Okay, you're just kind of talking with somebody, like you're addressing a situation with somebody, versus like, Oh, this is getting a little tense.
John Shull 18:54
Yeah, that's at least, I mean, right? It's every day. It's every day right now, and you take the job out of it. It's still two to three times a week,
Nick VinZant 19:02
probably, oh, I think this is a you problem then, I mean,
John Shull 19:05
you're, you're married, right? I mean, you're telling me that you don't ever get into anything any disagreements with your
Nick VinZant 19:12
wife, not like tense ones. Let's put Okay. Let's put the job and relationships aside. If you put okay, if you put the job and relationships, yeah, because like that always happens, right? But if you put your job and your relationship aside, how often are you getting in a tense confrontation with somebody else?
John Shull 19:35
So I mean this, I mean you're bare bones in it. But I mean if we're eliminating, literally, the two largest stressors, intentions of anyone's life. I don't know. I mean, then it probably drops to 10 to 20 a year, probably for
Nick VinZant 19:52
me, okay, it's like two a month. I feel like that's much more. That's I feel like that's normal. I think if you're. Less than that, then you're not standing up for yourself enough, or putting yourself out there in society enough. And I think that if it's once a week or every day, you're part of the problem.
John Shull 20:11
I mean, I don't want to say that I look for it, but I also don't shy away from it. I mean, if somebody, you know, if I'm at the grocery store, or if I'm somewhere and somebody's doing something that doesn't seem right. I have, you know, I have no problem confronting somebody.
Nick VinZant 20:26
Why are you getting into fights at the grocery store? Like, what are you doing that you're getting into an argument? Like, I don't, I can't even imagine what somebody would be doing at the grocery store worth getting in a fight over. Like, Oh, somebody got the last ripe banana, the gold mother's on.
John Shull 20:43
I mean, a lot, most of it's parking related. For me, we've talked about that before, you know? I mean, heck, just just last week, the wife and I were out to dinner, and we had a couple of those first amendment auditors show up at the restaurant we were at, and they just stood outside, and we're just filming people with their cell phones. And, you know, I went outside and confronted them, and, you know, obviously that's what they wanted, so I kind of played into what they wanted. But you know, that's just an example.
Nick VinZant 21:18
Okay, so you're, kind of steering yourself towards trouble, though,
John Shull 21:24
I don't go looking for it, but also if something, I mean, I don't know, I just, I feel like anyone would do that. I mean, what? What person would just sit there and not if something's happening and you think you should say something or do something? I mean, is it just the human condition to just sit there and not get involved. That's never the way that I've been.
Nick VinZant 21:45
Oh, I think that my barometer for when I need to get involved in something is probably much higher. Maybe it's higher than yours. Like, I think of everything as like, Oh, this is ultimately going to be a waste of my time. If it's really a situation, then I'm gonna do something about it. Like, I've gotten into it with people over stupid things, like their dog peeing on a snow fort in my yard, yard where you kind of It's a city like these things happen, I guess not technically my yard, but I've gotten into it with people over things that I don't think are really important. But most stuff, I'm like, it's not really worth the time. Yeah.
John Shull 22:20
I mean, that's all. I mean, I don't trust me. I am not coming. I don't want to come off as like this person that you know, don't piss on my sidewalk, or I'm gonna, you know, like you're an angry I mean, it's funny is you don't think that when you meet me and those actually, unless you really know me, think that I'm a very gentle, nice person. Regardless, I don't, you know, I don't look for it, but I will say something. I mean, I also you have to be smart, especially in today's world, given every climate that's out there, people are crazy.
Nick VinZant 22:52
Man, that's to me why. I just don't understand how somebody could be doing this every week or every day, because you don't know one if you're being recorded and how that's ultimately going to be portrayed. Two, if that person has anything with them that you really hope they don't have, like you just never know. I feel like the stakes are now too high to be getting into things unless it's really important.
John Shull 23:17
How do I I'm trying to I'm trying to think how to word this, like, I don't do road rage, right? Yeah, like, if something happens in a car, I'm not, I'm not gonna approach it. But if I'm at a grocery store and someone takes the last bag of apples, Cosmic Crisp apples, I might say something.
Nick VinZant 23:37
But I polled the audience about this question. 25% of people say daily. I think that's too that's too much right? Like if you're daily or once a week, I think that you're kind of doing. You're part of the problem in that situation, 25% said Daily. Nobody said once a week. 25% said at least once a month. 50% said once a year, hardly ever.
John Shull 24:01
But I mean, did you, did you specify in the whole question that I did that it wasn't work related?
Nick VinZant 24:09
Yes, actually, no, I didn't specify that it wasn't work related. I did specify that romantic relationships didn't count.
John Shull 24:19
Because I honestly feel like everybody, for the most part, has a some kind of confrontation at their job every single I will say this, though I do think remote, being remote has reduced that, but if you still have to go into the office and interact with people physically, it's going to be every day,
Nick VinZant 24:39
I would agree. I understand why you would say that, but I think it's because you still work in news. And since I used to work in news, I understand that. And now that I don't work in news, I could tell you, like, Oh no, that doesn't really happen. Like, if you're having a confrontation with somebody in more of a corporate setting, HR is probably going to get involved.
John Shull 24:56
All right. Well, let's hear let's get some shout outs. I got a good one to start off. The shout outs this time,
Nick VinZant 25:00
oh, first time. I'm gonna be so confrontational this whole episode, the whole rest of the episode, I'm gonna try to get under your skin.
John Shull 25:09
I mean, you, you can, I know, usually anyways, without even trying. So it's you did before we even clicked record on this. Because I never like, I know, poor baby has three inches of snow. So I used to go shovel like you're
Nick VinZant 25:23
complaining about shoveling snow. You should be honored to be out there shoveling snow. That's a man's job. That's what you should be doing for your family. You should be like No guys, I got this. You should be ready to shovel not only your driveway, but anybody's driveway in your neighborhood who also needs help. You should be out there doing what you're supposed to do, being a man in the community now, oh, I couldn't go out there, and just couldn't be to be cold on my poor fingers and toesies, and I have to have a hot cocoa and maybe have my wall my wife pet my little bottom when I get back, go out there like a man. You don't even have to try go out there, go out there shirtless, and show the neighborhood what's up.
Speaker 1 26:07
That would be. That would be pretty amazing.
Nick VinZant 26:09
You should be setting a vibe. And you're not setting enough of a tone in your neighborhood. You shouldn't be out there like God Jerry got to shovel this snow again because I'm now 85 years old. You should go out there shirtless and just be going through it like it's nothing. Don't even slow down.
John Shull 26:28
I mean, I've never done a shirtless but I've done it in shorts before. Does that count?
Nick VinZant 26:32
No, anybody, nobody has cold legs. Have your legs ever been cold in your entire life? I could never say that, like, wow, my legs are cold.
John Shull 26:42
Um, I mean, I don't know, not that I can recall, but Right, I don't know
Nick VinZant 26:48
one time, actually, now that I think of it, I would say that my legs were cold, and it was negative 50 in Canada. And then I was like, hmm, legs are a little cold.
John Shull 26:58
Like, look at all of the ancestors, the Mayans, and they didn't have pants, right? Me saying, like,
Nick VinZant 27:07
anyways, can we move on? Kind of guy, he's got, like, I got to put on my comfy pants. Are you at comfy pants age? Have you gotten to comfy pants age? Yeah, you have. I don't
John Shull 27:19
want to answer this. You have, I mean, I but I don't declare them. I just have, like, a specific set of of pants, or sweatpants, which is worse.
Nick VinZant 27:30
Do you think to yourself, though? Though? Do you think to yourself, Oh, time to put on my comfy pants.
John Shull 27:36
Yeah, like, I'm excited to get done with you. Go outside and put on my
Nick VinZant 27:41
comfy pants. Okay, why are you gonna go outside and put on the pants?
John Shull 27:45
No, I'm gonna go outside. I'm gonna shovel. Oh,
Nick VinZant 27:48
let's use commas. Coming. That's all it takes. It's all it takes.
Speaker 1 27:57
Why do I do What? Why do I even do this with you? I don't I don't want to be angry, just
Nick VinZant 28:03
preparing them for all those confrontations you get in on a daily basis, right? This is like a trial run. You can't handle this. You can't handle the real world. You can't handle the safety of the internet. What are you going to do out there in Detroit? Somebody comes after you?
John Shull 28:17
I've already dealt with you in person many times you though I do, I do miss, I do miss a lot of things about our confrontations. So, all right, well, let's all right, so we're gonna start off with Waylon
Nick VinZant 28:37
Cohen, okay, all right. I don't mind a Whalen Tobias
John Shull 28:42
Arroyo, Katie you Brandy Andrade, Sabrina, Howell, Leanne, Charles Alfred, Salazar, floral, Dyer, Colette, Burton and Elwood.
Nick VinZant 29:00
Connor, how many times do you think Waylon has had someone insult him by saying, I had your wife whaling you? Just think of that. I did. I feel like, I feel like some names, you can immediately think of a good insult for that name. Oh yeah, Waylon had your wife. Waylon, the other day.
John Shull 29:24
Let's just move. I got nothing i i want to talk about something that we started doing for the first time this holiday season. And I don't know if I should hate it or love it. I feel
Nick VinZant 29:34
like it's going to be really okay. I feel like I'm going to assign an age to whatever thing that you're about to say, Okay, I feel like it's probably going to be a 45 year old plus thing, like it's going to be an old person thing, but we'll see. Okay, let's hear it.
John Shull 29:51
It is not, no, it's a, it's a children's thing.
Nick VinZant 29:53
Oh, okay, all right, wow, that's gonna be fun.
John Shull 29:58
An elf on the shelf.
Nick VinZant 30:03
Why? Because, dude, like you're just becoming you're becoming suburbia. You have a minivan. You're complaining about shoveling the snow. You're doing Elf on the Shelf. You have comfy pants, cleaning like you're I do you are upper middle aged.
John Shull 30:25
Funny, my, my, my little fitness tracker does say that my 73
Nick VinZant 30:31
you just you're aging so quickly a mentally and emotionally, you're a much older man than I am.
John Shull 30:42
I don't know about that. I think I'm pretty fun.
Nick VinZant 30:44
No, people who do Elf on the Shelf are not fun.
John Shull 30:49
It's not me. It's for my daughters.
Nick VinZant 30:51
Okay, go on about your elf on the shelf and how old you are. What did you do? Did you get some war there's original? Did you hide the knock over some warthers original?
John Shull 31:00
Let's just, let's just, let's get past, I'll tell you a story that you'll appreciate. Okay, so Saturday were me and the family are, we're en route to a to a local city nearby that does a holiday parade. Okay, wow. And, and before we're gonna go out to another city nearby and have some dinner.
Nick VinZant 31:20
Why can't you just say the name of the city? I feel like you're making this like, I feel like you're avoiding the name of the city. Like, why can't you just say what it is? Is it a secret? Okay, so we're know about so we're
John Shull 31:30
going to Berkeley, Michigan. Okay, thank you. We're, we're gonna have dinner in Royal Oak. So we're heading to Royal Oak, and I stopped at a stop sign and on the corner, like, on the pasture side, on the corner is a firehouse, okay? And outside that firehouse is Santa smoking a cigarette, okay, so naturally, I mean, he was a well put together Santa, but
Nick VinZant 31:57
You mean, like, ripped, or he was like, No, like he was a Jackie, or he was just, like, he had this, like he had the Santa outfit, right?
John Shull 32:05
Yeah, no, he looked, he looked like Santa. He was, he round, had a nice beard, big talk. So, of course, my daughter started asking questions, because that's part of the reason why you go to the holiday parade in Berkeley is to see Santa. So a little flustered my wife and I don't really know what to say. It gets better, of course, because he as, like, I'm driving, he like, turns and just like, stares at my car, and like, takes a long drag off a cigarette. And now my oldest daughter, who's seven, is starts asking this question, do you know, is the Santa smoke? Do the elves smoke? Like all these questions? So that was dinner, right? So then we get to the parade. Santa comes, and there's, there's people there, but it's not that well attended. Whatever is it
Nick VinZant 32:56
the same child? Is this going to be the same Santa? The same cigarette smoking Santa? Or is it going to be a day? It was not, it
John Shull 33:02
was not the same Santa, but Santa, Santa kind of came near my family, or, you know, us on the side of the street, and my oldest daughter yells out to him, Santa, do you have a cigarette? So did he Well, no, he didn't. He just said Ho, ho, ho, and kept going on. But anyways, have you know, I don't know who that Santa is. I know he doesn't listen, but have have some more respect for all things Santa isms, all right? I mean, what are you doing?
Nick VinZant 33:34
You got to have more respect for the craft, right? You got to protect the shield, as the NFL would say, you can't be Santa out there taking a smoke break and blowing lines.
John Shull 33:44
I mean, yeah, it's surprised there wasn't strippers and cocaine just next to him.
Nick VinZant 33:49
Maybe there was inside, but no, like, Santa's got to be a little bit more self aware. I understand it. I agree with you. It's a little bit of a situation, but that's your job as a parent. You should be able to handle that and tell them that sand is not real and you're going to die someday.
John Shull 34:05
Well, my youngest daughter is on the if you have, if you've ever, if you have children, and if you ever have young children, they go through this phase where death is, death is next. You know what I mean? Like, I'm dying tonight, and you know, it's okay, because this and that, like, it's a weird phase they go through. But I feel like every child goes through it.
Nick VinZant 34:28
Every kid is different, man, every kid is different. Every parent has unique challenges. Thing that I've learned as a parent is you don't judge other people's parenting, because you never know you might be in that same situation. Now, what I have done, what you have done, no, I wouldn't have
Speaker 1 34:43
What was I supposed to do? Not that situation.
Nick VinZant 34:47
Oh, wait, about the death or Santa smoking, about Santa? Oh, just be like Santa's. You know, Santa is human too, and sometimes the important thing is to learn from. Your mistakes, and like, Santa has some bad habits as well that he needs to work on. Nobody's perfect, and Santa, he's got things he needs to work on too.
John Shull 35:09
It was kind of great seeing my wife stumble over herself trying to come up with something on the fly.
Nick VinZant 35:16
There's really no way she's playing that Santa's smoking. There's really no way
John Shull 35:20
she just made it worse. And it was, it was fantastic. It was nice to see her struggle in that moment.
Nick VinZant 35:26
Oh, yeah, as a fellow parent and also a married man, I've seen my wife really drop the ball on some situations. It's like, oh, that's not what you should have done. Like, I just panicked. Okay, this isn't the dad podcast. I know that you want to turn this into a bunch of 80 year olds complaining about their hips.
John Shull 35:44
All right, fine. What about this one? And this is crime related, just something that, okay, all right, something that just happened to come across my desk not too long ago. And I thought it'd be funny, slash, not funny to share. But two weeks ago, there was a box on the porch in a nearby city here, I will not give the name of the city. Somebody you know, porch pirate, or whatever they call themselves, took the package. Well, little did they know that it wasn't an Amazon package. It was one of those pack, one of those boxes. Were you pooping it? Poop bandits? Imagine that when they got back to their car, or wherever they, you know, and they open it up and there's just steaming piles of shit in there.
Nick VinZant 36:28
Good, good, like that makes me happy when people steal something, and then Karma comes to bite him in the butt.
John Shull 36:36
I've never really understood like stealing packages, because there's they're so trackable and traceable,
Nick VinZant 36:42
it seems like such a waste of time. Like, how, what are the chances that you're going to get something that you I guess around Christmas you would, you know, that's the prime time where you're more likely to get stuff. But like, anytime I've had a package stolen, it would be like You just stole, like a replacement cord for a Blackberry. What are you gonna do with it? Like it seems like it's such a hit or miss thing?
John Shull 37:09
Yeah, it's what are you doing? It looked like you were doing something.
Nick VinZant 37:12
I was looking I thought you were talking about a different crime story that I happened to come across, which was a driver claims that he teleported into a stolen car after he crashed it, he told the police. Is like, No, I was teleported there.
John Shull 37:26
Yeah, that's I thought this one was interesting. Ryan wedding, apparently, is on the top 10 Most Wanted Fugitives list in America for leading a drug trafficking ring, yeah, but what makes him interesting is he was a former Olympic snowboarder turned drug trafficking Kingpin.
Nick VinZant 37:48
Oh, well, you got to diversify. I guess it's hard to make a career out of snowboarding. You got to take your opportunities. What kind of drugs
Speaker 1 37:58
was he selling? Ah, let me see.
Nick VinZant 38:01
As a snowboarder. I can be like, it's not exactly,
John Shull 38:05
well, he's still, he's still out there. He's still on the run. There's a $15 million reward for info on him, which is insane. It's a lot, but now it looks like he started off in pot, yeah. And then, and then, at 2010 I'm just going off of Wikipedia here, he joined up with Iranian and Russian cocaine smugglers.
Nick VinZant 38:31
Yeah, you can't move past like, once you move International, you're doing something you shouldn't be doing.
John Shull 38:39
Yeah, just anyways, he's, apparently, he's a so he's Canadian, by the way, but apparently is a high, high ranking member of the sinola Cartel out of Mexico.
Nick VinZant 38:51
Man, well, if I was him, I would hide out in the mountains so I could just jump into my snowboard and get away.
John Shull 38:58
Yeah, just, man, you never, you never know, I guess, where life's going to take you especially,
Nick VinZant 39:02
never know where life is going to lead you when
John Shull 39:07
that is me, down in my basement, you know, just in my basement,
Nick VinZant 39:10
you know what's going to happen. You never know what's happening. You got anything else that you want to go to our top five?
John Shull 39:16
I Wally Popper, doopy doo. Oh, you know what I want to do. One more quick rant. Okay, go on your rant. Let's hear it. It adds it adds to you calling me an old man. So Effort, Right? How do you feel about schools closing school before any rain or snow has fallen?
Nick VinZant 39:39
I think it's probably a smart decision. Like, why would you want people to get into a wreck, potentially, because they're trying to drive through hazardous conditions, right? Like, if you know that something's going to be a problem, why not avoid it?
John Shull 39:52
I don't get a snow day. I still have to drive across town to work.
Nick VinZant 39:56
Oh, okay. But like, why endanger children when you don't need to.
Speaker 1 40:00
Do that's not really the point. The point is, yeah, when
Nick VinZant 40:02
you say it like that, it suddenly becomes a really just like, not a good thing to complain about. Like, shouldn't we endanger these children first before we decide, shouldn't we find out that something is really difficult?
John Shull 40:14
The point, the point is, what have we become as a, as a, as a species, where we are canceling school before we even have evidentiary proof of anything that's going to happen.
Nick VinZant 40:29
Smarter, is what I would say. I mean, we are able to predict and forecast the weather. We're able to study patterns and know that if it drops five inches of snow and it's 20 degrees below zero, maybe this isn't the best situation for to be transporting kids to school when they could just stay home. So I think that would this implies that we become smarter and better educated and are using our resources in a more efficient manner. It's fine, you got nothing?
John Shull 40:58
No, it's lame. I mean, it's, I don't know why I even tried to say this to somebody who doesn't have any weather patterns or effects. Oh, Seattle,
Nick VinZant 41:07
yes, it does. And they cancel school ahead of time. And every time they cancel school ahead of time, I'm like, oh, that's planning ahead. That's good. I don't have to try to get halfway there before I realized it's impossible. What canceled
Speaker 1 41:19
school in Seattle? Okay, let me this is,
Nick VinZant 41:21
this is, this is, to me, what I think would sum up the way that you're thinking, right? If you're in line for something, and somebody takes a hammer and the line turn, let me start this over. If you see somebody hit their hand with a hammer and then scream in pain, do you then need to hit your hand with the same hammer to know that that was a bad idea.
John Shull 41:49
I'm gonna say no for the sake of it, but you never know
Nick VinZant 41:53
that's that's okay. There it is. Right? Like you have to learn lessons the hard way. You've got to start learning from other people.
Speaker 1 42:01
No, that's not fun, I know.
Nick VinZant 42:03
But like, No, I want to get in a wreck, and then I'll say, yeah, that was a justified snow day.
John Shull 42:10
This you just you clearly have never been through it, because what's gonna happen tomorrow is they're gonna close schools and we're gonna get an inch of snow. We got two inches of snow today, and nothing happened.
Nick VinZant 42:23
So you would have kids at school. If you had a choice between avoiding a problem or waiting for something to become a big problem, you would rather wait to make sure it's a huge problem before you then took steps to avoid it. Like hold on, let's make sure the house is really on fire before we leave. I know that there's smoke, and it seems like the fire is getting out of control, but let's make sure it's really gonna burn the house down before we leave.
John Shull 42:53
Safety is always the number one priority.
Nick VinZant 42:56
Okay, then, so then what's wrong with canceling school ahead of time? Like, I don't know why you're stuck with this idea, and at the same time, you're gonna go ahead and complain about having to go shovel snow outside.
John Shull 43:07
I I'm not. I wasn't complaining
Nick VinZant 43:11
whinging, whinging.
Speaker 1 43:14
No, I was hula ballooing, hullabalooing or
Nick VinZant 43:18
hula balloon. Okay, let's go to our top five, because I didn't see you trying to put out words that neither of us know what they mean, absolutely. So our top five is top five funny words, words that we just think are funny to say.
John Shull 43:33
My number five is bummer, shooting
Nick VinZant 43:37
an umbrella.
Speaker 1 43:39
Yeah? Wow,
Nick VinZant 43:40
look, I know that for some reason, yeah, because they have a thing out here in Seattle. It's called bumper shoot, and it's named for umbrella. Doesn't really make a lot of sense, but it's a great name. I like it. I think I'm gonna like all of your it's just a question of like, oh, did you put them in a good order? Right? Okay, we're really going to be ahead of yours. My number five is haboob. I love saying the word haboob storm in the desert is a dust storm in the desert, but haboob is a hilarious word.
John Shull 44:11
Yeah, just boob itself is kind of funny. And then you add a hut to it, and it's just, it's even
Nick VinZant 44:16
better stepping it up, right? Like you're stepping up the hilarity by adding the huh to boob, ha, boob,
John Shull 44:25
ha, boob, my number four is far to lick. I thought about that. I thought it was an activity runners do when they change between sprinting and jogging.
Nick VinZant 44:41
Why would anybody ever come up with that as the word? Like, what are we going to call that fart lick?
John Shull 44:48
Maybe it's because they shit themselves while slowing down or farted, or
Nick VinZant 44:53
the extra effort makes them fart. That's what I would think. Like the extra effort if you're straining like, oh. Okay Go, and they're like, Oh, I hope I don't go. That would be my only thing is like, Oh, my number four is bamboozled. I've been bamboozled. He bamboozled me. Like, I just, I almost want to get bamboozled so I can use the word bamboozled. Bamboozled, If I am ever involved in some sort of fraud where I can file a police report, I am going to use the word bamboozled. It needs to be in the police report. The man said he was bamboozled out of $50
John Shull 45:42
he gave his bamboozled money to a stripper. All right, my What number am I on? Three? Is nincompoop?
Nick VinZant 45:54
That's a good one. Yeah,
Speaker 1 45:57
that's just so good nick and poop nincompoop.
Nick VinZant 46:01
What a nincompoop? Right? That's it great. It's like, it sounds bad, but it's not, sounds like a bad word, but it's not a bad word. It's just a hilarious word. Number three is kumquat. Yeah, that was terrible.
Speaker 1 46:16
Kumquat. That one's that one's just bad.
Nick VinZant 46:19
I don't even know what are we doing? I don't even know what it is, though. Like, I know it's some sort of fruit. But like, if you I could not point out a kumquat in any sort of vegetable aisle or fruit aisle. Like, if you were, like, which one of these is the kumquat?
John Shull 46:33
I don't think anybody can. Nobody for educated people, people with intelligence, uh, my number two is bung hole.
John Shull 46:48
There's an actual like definition for bung hole, which is a hole for emptying a cask, or slang for your anus.
Nick VinZant 46:58
There's a real bung hole. Yeah,
Speaker 1 47:01
bro, there's a real bung hole. Gosh.
Nick VinZant 47:04
I mean, all these words, I guess, were, at one point, used to describe something. There's a lot I've I've noticed this. There's a lot of B's and H's. A lot of funny words start with B or H. There's something about that vowel consonant pattern that creates a boob, yeah? Haboob. Bamboozled.
Speaker 2 47:24
Skedaddle, scared daddle, yeah,
Nick VinZant 47:29
that was okay. That's my number two. Man. I like skedaddle.
John Shull 47:34
That one's okay. I don't know just all right, to me, okay, all right.
Nick VinZant 47:38
What's your number? Are we on Number One? We are all right, hit it.
John Shull 47:41
My number one is flesh monger.
Nick VinZant 47:45
My number one is Bozo, simple Bozo.
John Shull 47:52
So a flesh monger, by the way, is a butcher or somebody who controls sex workers.
Nick VinZant 48:00
I did not know that.
Speaker 1 48:03
So, yeah, that. What do you
Nick VinZant 48:06
have in your honorable mention?
Speaker 1 48:10
Thingamajig, yeah, okay. Thing gum, Bob, the
Nick VinZant 48:16
same thing, just like using different variations in the same word,
John Shull 48:21
best Cumber. What is that best Cumber to spray excrement on something
Nick VinZant 48:30
I could have gone without the definition, titter.
Speaker 1 48:35
Yeah, and that's probably it.
Nick VinZant 48:42
I have lollygag hullaballoo. Hullabaloo is a great one.
Sofia Somer 48:52
Bob, kiss squeegee.
Nick VinZant 48:56
Squeegee is a solid and then my personal favorite recently, because I have two young boys, six and nine, is grab ass. I probably tell my son to stop playing grab ass three or four times a day, just because I like to say the word grab ass. Quit playing grab ass.
John Shull 49:18
Do you say it in like an old man voice? Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Because you're actually old. You're older than I am.
Nick VinZant 49:24
I am older than you are physically, but I am not older than you are spiritually. You are 75 No way. 77 because the number can only go up. It's not coming down. I'm young at heart, no. And I mean, yeah, but not in your like, you're young at heart, but mentally old. You may be young at you may be young, but you are an 80 year old man.
Speaker 2 49:52
Oh, can you believe this weather? Oh, my God, it's gonna be three inches of snow, and I gotta go outside. I discovered the kids today, and I forgot what my
Speaker 1 50:08
build on. If I could end this, I would have ended it
Nick VinZant 50:10
back on my glasses. Oh, you bringing out the extra eyes, huh?
Speaker 1 50:15
I could have ended this shit. I would have done it by now.
Nick VinZant 50:20
I do love a good four eyes joke. It makes me laugh. Okay, okay, that's the end of this kerfuffle. I should have put in kerfuffle too. That's a really good one. But I want to thank you so much for joining us. If you get a chance, leave us a quick review. We really appreciate. It really helps us out and let us know what you think are some of the funniest words. Hullabaloo, I'm telling you, it's the H's and the b's. There's something about words that start with H or B that just makes them funnier.