Made from a unicorn’s chest hair, this stylish T-Shirt is guaranteed to make you better at everything you do. As soon as the pillow-soft fabric touches your skin you will feel a rush of energy, a surge of strength and a dramatic boost in both intelligence and attractiveness. Ladies, fellas, the very energy of the universe will be drawn to you. Mountains will crumble before you and oceans will bend to your every whim. Just listen to this satisfied customer: “I’m not religious, but if I was a god and I was going to a meeting with other gods, THIS is what I would wear to let them know what’s up.”

Available in S, M, L, XL, XXL ($2 extra)

Machine Washable, Athletic fit, I don’t know what else to say, it’s a t-shirt, there’s probably cotton in there. It feels nice, I can tell you that.