Etiquette is more than just being polite. It’s a code of behavior that can take you to the highest levels of personal and professional success. A code Etiquette Coach Kelley Yates (Lady Etiquette) can teach you. We talk proper etiquette, the secret habits of successful people and when it’s time to stop being polite. Then, we countdown the Top 5 Rude Things People Do.

Lady Etiquette Kelley Yates: 01:51ish

Pointless: 24:59ish

Top 5: 39:43ish

https://ladyetiquette.com (Lady Etiquette Website)

https://www.instagram.com/the_lady_etiquette/ (Lady Etiquette Instagram)

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuDByTAPN9HqG3mlCSq7adg (Lady Etiquette YouTube)

Interview with Etiquette Coach Kelley Yates - Lady Etiquette

Nick VinZant 0:11

Hey everybody, welcome to Profoundly Pointless. My name is Nick VinZant coming up in this episode, we're gonna get a little classy, and then get a little trashy.

Kelley Yates 0:21

I started working for aristocratic families. I was a nanny, I was a real life Mary Poppins, they have success because they have good communication skills. They're able to inspire people with their charm. And that's what etiquettes about. It's almost like magic. And if when we use the code of polite behavior, we are successful. Absolutely. It's a reflection, especially with children, you have to start them off young, because children are a reflection of us.

Nick VinZant 0:56

I want to thank you so much for joining us. If you get a chance, like, download, subscribe, share, we really appreciate it really helps us out. So our first guest is a coach who has recently seen demand for her services skyrocket. And I think that's because not only have we kind of forgotten how to interact with each other, but also because she's really found that having good etiquette, deportment, being polite good manners, is not just the thing that we should be doing, not just the way that we should treat people. But it's really been found to be the key to both personal and professional success. This is etiquette coach Kelly Yates, known online as Lady etiquette. Do you think that people generally have good etiquette now? Or have we really kind of slacked off?

Kelley Yates 1:57

Oh, gosh, that's a great question. I think it's become a lazier society. And it's much more needed now than ever before. And there's a lot of interacting on social media. So when people see each other, they find it hard to look each other in the eye and have a conversation. It's more in demand now than ever before. In fact, I'm very busy.

Nick VinZant 2:19

Why is that? Like? How come you think that you're kind of services have ramped up?

Kelley Yates 2:24

Well, as the code is trending right now, I'm sure you've noticed on social media. There's a lot of people out there. Now talking about etiquette, which is a wonderful. But it's it's something that's classic, it's timeless, the code of polite behavior would never go out of style.

Nick VinZant 2:43

Why do you think it's important? Like, why did we develop to this?

Kelley Yates 2:47

Well, gosh, could you imagine if we went around in our daily life without saying, Please, and thank you, and just being rude to people? We wouldn't get very far would we? And if when we use the code of polite behavior, we are successful. And that's why people come to Lady etiquette because they want to be successful in their social business life.

Nick VinZant 3:10

Where do people kind of when they when we look at etiquette, like where do people generally mess up?

Kelley Yates 3:16

Um, I think being impatient, not being courteous to people. just rude, rude people, they mess up, they don't take the time to learn, you know, to be polite and considerate of other people's needs.

Nick VinZant 3:33

Do you think that like, Are our people going to have trouble once we finally kind of get out of all of these zoom meetings? And yes, zoom interactions and that kind of stuff? Have we kind of forgotten how to interact with each other?

Kelley Yates 3:48

Yes, I think I think a lot of people have what's never what what is time? This is people. Do you want to have a conversation? And, you know, that gives you confidence and inspires people around you?

Nick VinZant 4:01

Uh, no, I would agree. Right? Like if somebody says, Thank you to me, then I'm generally much nicer to them. Yes, it is. Here's how kind of manners fuel everything right?

Kelley Yates 4:12

Absolutely. It's a reflection. Especially with children, you have to start them off young, because children are a reflection of us. You know, you can start from a toddler, you know, when you you are feeding the toddler, their lunch in the high chair. The toddler is looking at you. They make make eye contact, they smile at you, they giggle and when you feed them, you know, you get them to say please and thank you and that's where it starts. And children watch everything.

Nick VinZant 4:46

Can we go too far though, right where like, everything has to be this kind of I'll use the word I don't mean it but like stuffy, super kind of traditional all kinds of stuff. Like, how did that? How does that kind of traditional fancy way? meld with the modern, more relaxed way? Like, how can we do that?

Kelley Yates 5:10

That's a great question, Nick. I think that's one of the biggest misconceptions about advocate, as years ago, did was more for high society. And especially if you went to a finishing school, it was where high society attended. But modern etiquette really is for everybody. It's not, I've got all kinds of people come into lady etiquette, for example, I have people from an elderly lady, to a four year old to a tattoo artist. And I think that's wonderful. And that really is what modern etiquette is about. It's for everybody. It's not just for high society, these strong interpersonal skills just give you more confidence to be successful in your life. And that's what it's all about.

Nick VinZant 5:57

How did you get into this?

Kelley Yates 5:59

I guess, it was a gradual process started right from when I was a child, I think I remember being captivated. We were all huddled around the TV, my family, watching Princess Diana's wedding. And I was just enchanted, you know, with all the pomp and protocol. And, of course, it was such a worldwide event, everybody was talking about it. And I think that really planted the seed. And then when I grew up, I started working for aristocratic families. I was a nanny, I was a real life Mary Poppins. And I taught English. And I travelled extensively, I worked in the Middle East, and, you know, saw how important it was to watch, you know how different cultures interact and see the difference, you know, because every country has their own code, polite behavior. Then, when I came to America, I started working in the five star hospitality industry. And that led to VIP hospitality. So I've had very unique opportunities in life, that led to finding lead yet. For the most part, it was watching, observing successful people, you know, interact. And one common thing they all have in common is that they, they understand etiquette. And I believe that without a doubt, that is why they are successful.

Nick VinZant 7:35

Do you think that's the etiquette in and of itself? Or are they successful? Because there's kind of an organization in a system that they have applied to their lives, right, like they do things the way that they should be done? Is it etiquette? Or is it general mindset behind the etiquette that you think has made those people successful?

Kelley Yates 7:56

It's everything, yes. But you cannot be successful in life. If you You are not polite to people. And you have these strong interpersonal skills. If you think of all the world leaders, or the most successful business people, that's one common thing they have. They have they share is they are able to be they they have success, because they have good communication skills. They're able to inspire people with their charm. And that's what etiquettes about. It's almost like magic. You know, it's charm. It's, it's not. It's not like a magic wand, though. It's not the fairy godmother effect, but it is this magic ripple effect. But it takes work and dedication and passion.

Nick VinZant 8:49

Is it difficult to learn the things that people should be doing to have proper etiquette? Or is it difficult? Just to remember to do them to have the patience to kind of do it right. Like is it so I guess it's difficult to learn this skill? Or is it difficult to practice this skill?

Kelley Yates 9:06

No nose at all. It's it's I make it fun. Actually, if you have noticed on my Instagram, I show some reels, what not to do and what to do. And my classes are fun to keep people's attention. And it's not difficult at all You just but you have to practice it. I'm not a believer at all. I don't like that saying fake it till you make it for example. You know, you really have to really be real. And otherwise people will know if you you are being disingenuous.

Nick VinZant 9:39

When people come to you like what we've kind of talked about etiquette in the broad sense, but what are they generally looking for, like, how do I act at dinner? What should I do at a business meeting? Like what are people generally looking for when they come to you?

Kelley Yates 9:55

Well, we we offer a lot of different classes, you know, dining etiquette, childrens etiquette, you name it. But the recent trend it seems to be I get a lot of leaders asking me how to be more feminine. And I do have a poisoned department class that I designed to help women feel more feminine and confident. I teach leaders departments as well, it's adequate. Are you familiar with DEP?

Nick VinZant 10:22

The word I have heard people say it, but I've always been too afraid to ask what it was because I feel like I should have known what DEP is

Kelley Yates 10:32

yes. Well, it's, it's very important. It's your courage, your posture? How do you walk with grace, how you sit, how you carry yourself gracefully? And it and it works hand in hand with etiquette?

Nick VinZant 10:45

Why would now why would so many people be interested in that? Like, what what is it about? But like, obviously, you're talking about, you know, the when somebody kind of walks into a room, why would a lot of women be coming to you for that?

Kelley Yates 10:57

Well, I have noticed as a woman, there's been, you know, the last, this has been coming out for the last 30 years, you know, very extreme feminists pushing back on femininity, and making women less confident in business, you know, thinking that a woman has to be successful in business, if she had cuts her hair short, wears a man suit, when that's not the case, it can actually have a very negative effect on a woman and take her confidence away. What I have observed is that a woman is much more successful in business when she embraces her femininity, which is very empowering. You will see those of the successful women, you know, you don't, I'm not talking about being a bimbo, far from it. And you don't have to be, you know, certainly a man in business, you have to be, you know, smart, feminine. And it's wonderful nowadays, we do have women that, you know, can be a CEO, run for president. But the fact of the matter is a woman still wants to be treated like a lady and women are interested in femininity, because femininity is it's very empowering. And it gives a woman confidence and inspires people around them.

Nick VinZant 12:21

Do you think that now is that? Is that a backlash against kind of the feminism movement? Or is that more just a case of like, Look, over time, we kind of got away from these things?

Kelley Yates 12:31

Well, I guess back in the 1950s, I would have been a traditional, more traditional feminist, you know, but nowadays, it's become quite extreme. But now people are realizing, you know, we still need to be women.

Nick VinZant 12:48

When when a man comes to you, what are men generally looking for?

Kelley Yates 12:53

Well, everything you know, of course, some recently I've had a lot of inquiry about chivalry, I do. Teach chivalry, chivalrous, demeanor, decorum. Dating etiquette, how to act on a date. What to expect. dining etiquette, business etiquette.

Nick VinZant 13:18

Are you ready for some harder slash listener submitted questions? Absolutely. Go ahead. In what place? Do you generally see people lacking the most etiquette and I'm not talking about like a physical location, but in like an aspect of their lives? Where would you say that people lack the most etiquette

Kelley Yates 13:37

department? Actually, I would say because a lot of people don't know how to carry themselves properly. And there's a lot of people you know, that walk you see them walking, for example, like Charlie Chaplin with the feet out, or they walk with their feet in like a pigeon. You will notice it now. soon as you walk into a supermarket, you're walking through the mall. Just observe people how they walk, I can help people within this area. And it can really change people's lives. because it not only helps you with your health, but your confidence.

Nick VinZant 14:12

What's kind of like big for a man or for a woman what's like your advice for like a quick fix, right? Like, Hey, I walk this way, what's the quick fix for men and women.

Kelley Yates 14:22

Try to walk in a straight line. a straight line, head up your chin parallel to the floor, shoulders back. And just take your time. Don't over swing your arms, like a propeller, or a bird getting ready to take flight. And you try to go the length of your foot with each step.

Nick VinZant 14:47

That seems kind of short for like for I guess when I'm thinking of myself walking. I feel like this kind of short for a man. Is that short for a man?

Kelley Yates 14:57

Well, if you want to pick up your speed That's perfectly fine. But I teach at lages. One one foot length. Okay,

Nick VinZant 15:07

so we talked about places where people have the least and what kind of place and again, not a physical place, but like an aspect where people generally pretty good,

Kelley Yates 15:16

people are getting more cognizant with their dining etiquette. Now, realize the importance of it, especially in business. You know, when people go out on business and they, they want to sit down and relax and get a business deal, and they don't want to be worried about where to put the napkin.

Nick VinZant 15:34

How important in your business of etiquette is being British? Because I feel I will feel like I would listen to somebody who is American a lot less. But since you're British, I feel like that's extra. Like, oh, oh, yeah. Does that help? Being British?

Kelley Yates 15:53

Yes, I'm not going to lie. It does help. They love the British accent. It's very popular in America. And it's a compliment. And, incidentally, I think this is what people are lacking nowadays, is giving a good compliment. And a lot of people don't know how to give a compliment. They actually compliment. For example, I often have people leaving comments on my Instagram. Oh, that's a beautiful dress. Or I love your hand back. But Doesn't it sound a lot nicer when you say? Oh, you look You look beautiful in that dress. You know if you're if you're wearing a nice suit. Oh, I love your suit neck. Doesn't this sound much better? Nick, you're looking very dapper today. I must say

Nick VinZant 16:47

it dies. Yeah. Cuz you're complimenting the person rather than the thing.

Kelley Yates 16:52

Exactly. They are complimenting that the object and not the purse. Yeah,

Nick VinZant 16:58

I can see why. Because you're basically saying like, as opposed to, Hey, your clothing that you have on is nice. You're saying you as a person made a good choice? Yes. And it makes people feel more special. What is your biggest pet peeve when you see when you see people doing things like what just drives you nuts? Like, oh, you can't do that.

Kelley Yates 17:23

I see a lot of people holding their wine glass the wrong way. Doesn't really drive me nuts. But it's very common. You see it all the time in the movies, for example. And I think when I watch people in the media, politicians, public speaking, I do see something that really annoys me. They're over gesturing their hands like this. They're very, very flamboyant. And it's so it's like, you know, the Italians, which is part of their culture. It's great for the Italians. But here, no, it's just over the top. You know, and that annoys me, especially when I'm watching people, you know, making public speaking you know, there's they are, you know, they could be so much more professional, if they just use their gestures, when they really want to emphasize something. And not constantly, like an over zelia salesperson that you see on a, you know, a bad TV commercial.

Nick VinZant 18:34

What is some bad etiquette that you do that you are trying to correct? Like, you know, you're not supposed to Lady etiquette, but you do it? Yes. You do.

Kelley Yates 18:48

What, gosh, you know, that's wonderful question. I don't want to tell you really, because nobody will come to me from business. No, no, seriously, no, I'm not perfect. You know, etiquette, it's a bit like yoga. You have to practice it every day and be real. Not disingenuous, because people will pick up on it. Especially children, they notice everything. But let's say what annoys me about myself. Sometimes I get very excited. And I can talk too much when I'm excited. I guess that's what it is. I can't talk until the cows come home

Nick VinZant 19:41

the one you know like I think you and I are in pretty good agreement about like the need for etiquette The one thing that I would wonder about though is like can you be can you become so proper, so prim and proper, that you kind of lose your personality?

Kelley Yates 19:57

Yes, well, I'm I'm still myself. I haven't, you know, a naughty side to me, but the etiquette keeps me balanced. It's not about being stiff at all. That's the biggest misconception with etiquette. It's about being confident and inspiring those around you to just be more kind, respectful, courteous, and graceful. It doesn't matter where you go in life, you know, etiquette is needed. And it's everywhere. It's you're surrounded with. If you look, the checkout clock in the grocery store, for example, you know, don't be so focused on your groceries when you're going through. Look up. Look, look at the grocery at the checkout clerk. Thank him or her?

Nick VinZant 20:46

What is the biggest controversy in etiquette? Like you and your etiquette colleagues? Like what are you guys? What's the big controversy? In etiquette? Is there a controversy? Like, oh, you should do this? No, no, I think you should do this.

Kelley Yates 21:03

Just the misconception that it's only for a certain class of people. etiquette is classless it's for everybody. controvert controversy? Oh, I guess you could say that, you know, there's certain mindset that believe that etiquette is you always have to be nice, perfect. You know, you you know, it doesn't mean that if somebody is bullying you, for example, you know, you don't have to be nice. Now, of course, you don't bully them back. But you don't you know, ethic, it's not about being a doormat. And etiquette gives you confidence to stand up for yourself. In any given situation.

Nick VinZant 21:55

That kind of fee feeds into our next question. Best way to politely tell someone to eff off. Oh, yes, I love that one. Are you you're saying it nicely, but they know what you're really saying? Like, what's the best way to tell somebody that

Kelley Yates 22:15

but it depends on what they're, they're they're doing as well. You know, to annoy you. Um, you know, it's there. For example, if there you have to, we have to have an example here, don't wait. Because there's so many scenarios. If somebody is making fun of the way you look, in more ways than one, then I would say to Shay, you know, I would look at them, perhaps and say you might want to take a look in the mirror before you judge other people. And work away.

Nick VinZant 22:53

Good burn. It's good one.

Kelley Yates 22:56

Walk away, you know, we have a saying in England is while you are beneath contempt,

Nick VinZant 23:02

at what point in an email chain? Do I no longer have to use the person's name? Like Do I have to say, Hi, Kelly. Hi, Kelly. Hi, kill every single email, or what point can I drop off? Is this question?

Kelley Yates 23:15

Yes, yes. You don't need to. It's always nice to use the person's name. But after the, you know, the third email, you know, it's a reply. So you don't need to use the name. You're just having a conversation.

Nick VinZant 23:29

Another another one that came in. If a meeting starts right out if a meeting starts, let's let's use this one. We you and I recorded this at 10 o'clock. Should I be right at 10 o'clock? Or should I actually be a little bit early or a little bit late?

Kelley Yates 23:46

I would say minimum five minutes before for a zoom meeting. I myself like to be there 10 to 15 minutes. That's what I recommend. But minimum five minutes before

Nick VinZant 23:59

that. That's really all the questions that I have. What's kind of coming up next for you. Where can people reach you? I know you offer classes.

Kelley Yates 24:06

Yes, we have online classes, children's classes, poisoned deportment for leaders. And I have an afternoon tea class which is online. We have video coaching. I'm very busy with video coaching. And I can be reached at the lady etiquette on Instagram. Or I'm on YouTube at lady etiquette. I did want lady etiquette I confess for Instagram but it was already taken.